Today, I am being called to write about listening.  We are taught that generous listening to others, and deep listening to our Inner Guidance and Wisdom, are worthy Practices that serve us well when we give them our attention.  I think that most people believe they are good listeners.  I had the opportunity this past couple of weeks to discover where my listening skills were lacking.  I thought it might be helpful to use this as a point of discussion for today’s writing.

So, what is generous listening?  It is an intentional form of listening where we listen for the humanity in another person’s words.  While we hear the words that are being spoken, we listen through the words to hear the feelings behind the words.

Every day, we may have a range of interactions with others. Some are practical and routine.  Others are profound and sometimes challenging.  When more challenging conversations arise, we often try to pay greater attention — we attempt to be more present.  But in doing so, we end up trying too hard.  Without realizing it, we give too much of our mental energy to our interpretation of what is being said.  And this lends itself to hearing what is being said through our own the lenses and filters, our experience, and what we think we already know to be true.  This is not because we are uncaring or not trying… it simply means that we are human and still growing.

So how do we begin to improve our listening skills?  We can begin by listening with this question in mind: “What is important now?”  And the corresponding answer: “Listening simply to know what is true for this person in this moment.”  If we are seeking true and compassionate communication, this is always the answer.

What do I find gets in the way of my ability to listen generously?  Sometimes, it is my desire to share my own perspective.  While I may be well-intentioned, truly wanting to connect and to reach a shared understanding, what I may be missing is that I have taken the focus off of the other person’s experience; and in doing so, I may have alienated myself.  Without intending to, I have subtly made this person’s challenge, pain, or even her celebration, about me.  I have failed to hear, and so true compassion becomes impossible.

Sometimes I find my mind asking questions, or formulating my reply, even before someone has finished speaking.  “Do I agree?  Do I believe this?  Do I like it?”  Or “I wonder what is really wrong?  Do I know how to fix it?”  Or “I know what I would have said to that so-and-so!”  You may recognize some of this, or maybe not.  But trust me, the mind is built to solve problems, and if I am not attending to mine, it is likely to run amok, making generous listening impossible.

Another thing that can get in the way of generous listening is allowing what another is saying, or how it is being said, to upset me emotionally… to push me into a defensive posture.  And sometimes, my mind responds with silent criticism or judgment of what is being said.  I find that when I am feeling attacked or being critical myself, I sometimes lose the capacity to keep my heart open.  Of course, under these circumstances, generous listening flies right out the window.

So, how do we learn to listen generously?  How do we create a safe space of silence, simultaneously offering a sense of support?  I believe that having the capacity to listen generously to others begins with daily meditation.  When we sit quietly with ourselves and our own thoughts, witnessing the workings of the mind without getting wrapped up in the process, we build a strong center from which to interact with the world.  We learn to be quiet, to not need to respond.  We connect with the Love and the Peace that is the Source of our being.  We begin to sense that a loving silence toward our own minds has the power to heal.  And when we practice this loving silence, listening generously to another… this has a far greater power to heal and connect than any words we could have spoken.  I sometimes forget that this form of listening can be an incredible act of service towards one another.

I will leave you with a quote to consider by Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen:

‘Many times, when we help, we do not really serve… Serving is also different from fixing.  One of the pioneers of the Human Potential Movement, Abraham Maslow, said, “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”  Seeing yourself as a fixer may cause you to see brokenness everywhere, to sit in judgment of life itself.  When we fix others, we may not see their hidden wholeness or trust the integrity of the life in them.  When we serve, we see the unborn wholeness in others; we collaborate with it and strengthen it.  Others may then be able to see their wholeness for themselves for the first time.’

This past two weeks has been a time of growth and expansion, and of finding an even greater humility in seeing that my growth is never (and never will be) complete.  There is always so much to learn, so much to pay attention to, and so many ways to make the world a better place.  And my Call to Ministry means that I have the distinct privilege of growing in public!

I pray that this leaves you with things to contemplate… that my experience can, in some way, serve the greater Whole as we move into our Next-Yet-To-Be.

May we all choose to be Awake to the Infinite Possibility, available here and now…

May we be well…stay in touch…know our unity…and thrive!

And may we know the Absolute Beauty and Wonder of this Grace-filled, once-in-a lifetime day…